The Awkward Guy at Church Isn’t Creepy—He’s Nervous
Male Isolation Series
That man you’re avoiding might just need a little grace.
I hear this a lot from women: “There’s this guy at my parish who gives me weird vibes.”
Sometimes—genuinely—something is off, and you should trust your instincts.
But sometimes? The “weird vibe” is just a socially awkward man who has no idea how to talk to women he finds attractive.
And I think we need to learn to tell the difference.
The Awkwardness Spectrum
Here’s what nervous often looks like:
Avoiding eye contact (or making too much)
Saying something that doesn’t quite land, then getting flustered
Standing near you but not talking to you
Starting a conversation and then not knowing how to end it
Laughing at the wrong moments
Being overly formal or stiff
Here’s what actually concerning looks like:
Ignoring your clear signals that you want space
Following you or showing up where you didn’t expect
Making comments about your body or appearance that feel invasive
Getting angry or hostile when you’re not interested
These are different things. But in a culture primed to see male attention as threatening, they can feel similar if you’re not paying attention.
What’s Happening on His Side
Let me tell you what’s probably happening inside that awkward guy:
He likes you. Or he thinks he might like you. And he has absolutely no idea what to do about it.
He didn’t grow up learning how to talk to women. His dad didn’t model it. His friends are as clueless as he is. The culture tells him that showing interest is problematic, but also that he’s supposed to initiate, but also that he should wait for signals, but also that he shouldn’t overthink things.
So he shows up to the young adult event, sees you, panics, and does something awkward.
Then he goes home and replays it for three days.
This man is not a threat to your safety. He’s a man who never learned social skills and is doing his imperfect best.
Why This Matters
I think many women don’t realize how many good men they’ve written off because of awkwardness.
The confident, smooth guy who knows exactly what to say? He’s had practice. Lots of practice. That might mean he’s naturally gifted socially, or it might mean he’s been with dozens of women and knows the script.
The awkward guy who doesn’t know what to do with his hands when he talks to you? He might be the faithful Catholic man who’s spent his twenties focused on work and prayer and has barely talked to women outside of work.
I’m not saying confident men are bad or awkward men are automatically good. I’m saying: don’t let surface-level smoothness be your only filter.
The Grace We All Need
The Catechism tells us that charity requires us to think well of others when possible (cf. CCC 2478). This doesn’t mean ignoring red flags. But it does mean extending the benefit of the doubt.
What if, instead of “that guy is weird,” you thought “that guy seems nervous”?
What if, instead of avoiding him, you gave him an extra moment of patience?
I’m not saying you owe anyone your time or attention. But I am saying: awkward men are often good men who never learned the social scripts. And good men are increasingly rare.
A Personal Story
A client once told me she almost didn’t go on a second date with her now-husband because the first date was so awkward. “He spilled water, couldn’t maintain a conversation, and literally tripped walking me to my car.”
She almost wrote him off. But something made her say yes to date two.
On the second date, he was still nervous but slightly less so. By date five, he was actually fun. By date twenty, she was in love.
“He just needed someone to give him a chance to relax,” she said. “Once he realized I wasn’t going to reject him, the real him came out.”
The real him was kind, faithful, hilarious, and devoted. He just took a while to show up.
What You Can Do
If a man at church is awkward around you, try this:
Be warm but clear. Smile. Make normal conversation. If you’re not interested, that’s fine—just be kind about it.
Don’t punish nervousness. If he says something weird, give him a gracious out rather than making him feel worse.
Look past the surface. Ask yourself: Is this man actually problematic, or is he just nervous? They look different if you pay attention.
The Church needs married couples. Good men need chances to be seen. And sometimes, the path to love runs through a few awkward conversations with someone who just needed a little grace.
This is part of a series on “Male Isolation”
In Him,
Katie
Katie Palitto is a Catholic relationship coach and the creator of free dating app Game of Love.