My Date Journal: Game of Love
Discerning with Wisdom, Not Just Feelings
Because “I have a good feeling about this” isn’t a discernment strategy.
You know that anxious spiral after a date?
Was that a red flag, or am I overthinking? Should I be concerned that he didn’t ask me any questions, or is he just nervous? She said she’s “not that religious”—does that mean something different to her than it does to me?
Most of us process these questions alone. In our heads. At 2 AM. With no framework and no feedback.
That’s not discernment. That’s rumination.
The Problem with “Going with Your Gut”
Here’s what I’ve seen over and over in ministry: good Catholic singles making poor relationship decisions because they’re relying on feelings instead of wisdom.
Feelings are data. But they’re not reliable data—especially when your attachment style is activated, your hormones are involved, and you really, really want this to work out.
The Catechism describes prudence as “the virtue that disposes practical reason to discern our true good in every circumstance and to choose the right means of achieving it” (CCC 1806). Notice what prudence requires: practical reason. Not just emotion. Not just intuition. Reason—applied to the specific circumstances in front of you.
St. Thomas Aquinas called prudence auriga virtutum—the charioteer of the virtues. It’s what guides all the other virtues. Without prudence, even your best intentions can lead you somewhere harmful.
What My Date Journal Actually Does
My Date Journal is a structured discernment tool for people who are actively dating. It helps you move from anxious guessing to clear-eyed evaluation.
Regular Check-ins — After dates or significant interactions, you answer targeted questions about emotional safety, spiritual compatibility, communication quality, and virtue alignment. Not a quiz—a reflection.
Pattern Recognition — Over time, you start to see trends. Is this relationship growing in the right direction? Are certain concerns showing up repeatedly? Are you ignoring the same warning signs you’ve ignored before?
AdamEve Matrix Integration — You can assess your date using the same eight virtue dimensions you assessed yourself. Not to judge them, but to see clearly. Where are they strong? Where might there be gaps?
Katie’s Insights — Based on your check-ins, you receive personalized guidance. Not generic advice—specific feedback on what you’re describing, with suggestions for conversations to have or questions to ask.
The Questions You Should Be Asking
Most people evaluate dates on chemistry and shared interests. Those matter—but they’re not enough.
Here’s what actually predicts a healthy marriage:
Emotional Safety — Do you feel safe being yourself? Can you express concerns without punishment? Does conflict feel resolvable or terrifying?
Spiritual Alignment — Not just “are they Catholic,” but how do they live their faith? Is prayer central to their life? Do they understand what marriage actually is?
Virtue Development — Are they growing? Do they take responsibility for their mistakes? Can they delay gratification? Are they honest even when it’s costly?
Relational Patterns — How do they talk about exes? How do they handle disagreement? What does their relationship with their family reveal?
My Date Journal prompts you to evaluate these areas regularly—so you’re not just swept along by attraction, but actively discerning.
When to Trust Your Concerns
A client once told me, “I keep noticing things that bother me, but then I talk myself out of them.”
That’s a problem.
“Prudence disposes the practical reason to discern, in every circumstance, our true good” (CCC 1835). Your practical reason is raising concerns for a reason. The question isn’t whether to feel them—it’s whether to investigate them.
My Date Journal helps you track those concerns over time. If the same issue keeps appearing in your check-ins, that’s data. If you keep making excuses for the same behavior, that’s a pattern. If your gut says something is off but you can’t articulate why, the structured questions help you find the words.
Discernment Is Active, Not Passive
Too many Catholics treat discernment like waiting for a sign. “If God wants me to marry this person, He’ll make it clear.”
But discernment requires your participation. It requires asking hard questions, paying attention to patterns, and being honest about what you’re seeing—even when you don’t want to see it.
The Church teaches that discernment “becomes the offering of an orientation in order that the entire truth and the full dignity of marriage and the family may be preserved” (Familiaris Consortio). Orientation. Direction. Not passive waiting—active seeking.
Practical Katie’s Insights
Your feelings about a relationship are real, but they’re not the whole picture. Prudence means bringing wisdom to bear on your specific situation.
Your next step: If you’re currently dating someone, start tracking. After your next interaction, ask yourself: Did I feel emotionally safe? Did we talk about anything meaningful? Did I notice anything that concerned me? Write it down. Do it again next time. See what patterns emerge.
And if you’re not sure whether to keep dating someone? That uncertainty is information. Don’t ignore it—investigate it.
Discernment isn’t about finding certainty. It’s about seeking clarity. And clarity comes from paying attention.
My Date Journal is available with a Game of Love premium account at gameof.love.