GIFT: Game of Love
The Pre-Engagement Assessment for Couples Discerning Marriage
Because “I love you” isn’t a sufficient foundation for lifelong commitment.
One couple came to me convinced they were ready for engagement. They’d been dating for two years. They loved each other deeply. Their families were asking when they’d finally make it official.
Three sessions later, they realized they’d never actually discussed whether they wanted children.
She assumed they’d have a big family. He assumed they’d wait “indefinitely” and maybe adopt eventually. Two years of dating, and they’d never had the conversation.
That’s not unusual. It’s terrifyingly common.
The Conversations You Haven’t Had
Most couples in serious relationships think they know each other well. And in many ways, they do. They know favorite foods and annoying habits. They’ve seen each other stressed, tired, and frustrated.
But do they know each other’s vision for marriage?
The Catechism is clear: “So that the ‘I do’ of the spouses may be a free and responsible act and so that the marriage covenant may have solid and lasting human and Christian foundations, preparation for marriage is of prime importance” (CCC 1632).
Prime importance. Not “nice to have.” Not “we’ll figure it out after the wedding.” Prime importance.
GIFT is the pre-engagement assessment that surfaces what you don’t know you don’t know.
What GIFT Actually Measures
Both partners complete the assessment independently, then review the results together. This isn’t a compatibility quiz—it’s a discernment tool.
Faith & Spirituality — Not just “are you both Catholic,” but how central is faith to your life? How do you envision raising children in the faith? What happens when one of you is struggling spiritually?
Communication & Conflict — How do you fight? How do you repair? Can you talk about hard things without shutting down or exploding? Do you feel heard?
Family Planning — Do you want children? How many? When? What if there are fertility struggles? What’s your understanding of NFP and Church teaching on openness to life?
Finances & Lifestyle — How do you handle money? What are your expectations about work, home, and division of labor? Do you have debt? Do you know about theirs?
Family of Origin — What patterns are you bringing from your upbringing? What do you want to replicate? What do you want to leave behind? How do your families interact?
Roles & Expectations — What does a husband do? What does a wife do? Are you operating from Church teaching or cultural assumptions? Have you actually talked about this?
Intimacy & Boundaries — How are you navigating physical intimacy now? What are your expectations for married intimacy? Have you addressed any past wounds?
Life Vision — Where do you want to live? What kind of life do you envision? Are you building toward the same future or two separate ones?
Why Both Partners Complete It Separately
Here’s the key: you each answer independently, then compare.
This prevents the common dynamic where one partner dominates the conversation and the other just agrees. When you see your answers side by side, you can’t fake alignment.
Sometimes couples discover they’re beautifully aligned in areas they’d never discussed. That’s a gift.
Sometimes they discover significant gaps. That’s also a gift—because now they can address them before the wedding, not after.
What the Results Reveal
GIFT doesn’t tell you whether to get engaged. That’s between you, your partner, and God.
What it does is surface:
Alignment — Where do you share values, vision, and expectations? These are your foundation.
Growth Areas — Where do you need more conversation? These aren’t dealbreakers—they’re development opportunities.
Potential Conflicts — Where are you far apart? These need attention. Not panic, but honest dialogue.
Katie’s Insights — Based on your combined results, you receive specific guidance: questions to discuss, topics to explore with a mentor, and prayers to share.
The Gift of Clarity Before Commitment
Familiaris Consortio teaches that engagement is itself a preparation: “Like every other living reality, the family too is called upon to develop and grow. After the preparation of engagement and the sacramental celebration of marriage, the couple begin their daily journey.”
Notice: preparation of engagement. Engagement isn’t just waiting for the wedding. It’s a season of preparation—and that preparation should start before the ring.
One couple told me after taking GIFT: “We thought we were ready. We realized we’re almost ready. Now we know exactly what we need to work on.”
That’s not discouragement. That’s clarity. And clarity is a gift.
When to Take GIFT
Take GIFT when you’re seriously discerning marriage—not casually dating, but genuinely asking, “Is this the person God is calling me to marry?”
You don’t need to be certain. You need to be serious.
Some couples take GIFT and discover they’re ready to move forward with confidence. Others discover they need more time, more conversation, more growth. Both outcomes are good. Both are gifts.
Practical Katie’s Insights
Marriage is the most significant commitment you’ll ever make. It deserves more than crossed fingers and good intentions.
Your next step: If you’re in a serious relationship and discerning engagement, have an honest conversation with your partner. Are there topics you’ve been avoiding? Questions you’re afraid to ask? Start there.
Then, when you’re both ready, take GIFT together. Complete it independently. Review the results honestly. Let the gaps become opportunities for growth.
The goal isn’t a perfect score. The goal is a clear-eyed commitment. And that kind of commitment can last a lifetime.
The GIFT Pre-Engagement Assessment is available with a Game of Love premium account at gameof.love.